The Expat Files - 07/25/11

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Breaking news from the “Switzerland of Latin America” Costa Rica; 48000 healthcare workers and govt. employees take to the streets as the president announces that the national health care, social security and pension systems are hopelessly insolvent (sound familiar?)

Should you drive or ship your own car down to Latin America? The surprises in store when you attempt to do so.

True tales of bribery and extortion while driving from the USA all the way down to Panama. The do’s, don’ts., and warnings. 

Dealing with customs and customs officials. How to cut your import taxes when mporting vehicle, container, or household goods. Everything's negociable, if you know the tricks!     

Did you know that 98% of all the cars and trucks in LA are stick-shift manual transmission? So to all you Expat wanabees, especially the ladies, you better learn what a clutch is (or pay an extra 20% for an automatic down here)

The Expat Files - 07/20/11

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-Some prepublication news about my new book “The Expat Files Guide to Love and Romance in Latin America

- “Clear Eye Syndrome”; why blue or green eyed adults, adolescents and babies have a real leg up in LA life. And why blond, fair skinned, blue or green eyed Expats have that very same advantage in love, romance and business down here (and you don’t even need all three, or even two of those traits… blue eyes alone will win you the LA lottery).      

- More of what long-term Expats DON’T miss about the 1^st World.

-Food safety and food inspections are almost nonexistent. A recommendation; don’t eat meat unless you know the farmer. On the other hand, the seafood is terrific, but as usual, there are some caveats.

The Expat Files - 07/18/11

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-In response to the many emails, Johnny Mueller expounds on what the vast majority of long-term Expats DON’T miss about the 1^st World. And it’s quite a list!

 -Some truths about the weather down here that will really take you by surprise, and some facts about the climate only local Latins and Expats truly understand.  

-Having that beach house getaway (everyone’s desire) and how Locals and Expats can, and do, pull it off.  

-If you want all of the 4 seasons, you can have them, but only in ‘southern’ South America.   

-What happens if you’re delinquent on your property taxes (or a non-payer)?

The Expat Files - 07/13/11

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- When home grown Latin Businesses try to copy 1st World methods, there’s always an obvious fatal flaw (to us not them).

- In response to the many emails that continue to ask me the question; what do I miss about the 1st World, if anything? Here’s a list of things that Expats living down here miss about the 1st World.

- Books, literary folks, reading in general, libraries, and observations on the fatally flawed Latin (so-called) intellectual class.

The Expat Files - 07/11/11

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- Driver’s license issues. What happens when you get pulled over and your 1st World license is expired? (sometimes it depends how much cash you have on you).  

- Two ways of getting a driver’s license in Latin America; the cheap (but very long and tortured way), or the very fast(and more expensive way).   

- Tips on how to drive legally down here even if you only have an expired  US or other 1st World driver’s license.

- The unsettling facts and hurdles Expats encounter when trying to obtain permanent legal residence status in a Latin country (and all about the fancy ID cards that go with it).

- In L.A., they don’t issue temporary learner’s permits for beginning drivers, but if you have one (lets say from Australia, which is good for 5 yrs) the cops will honor it like a full driver’s license (since they don’t know any better).  

 - The Latin American driver’s test (it’s sure not like the one you took in the 1st World).

The Expat Files - 07/06/11

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- New product guarantees and warranties are tricky. You do get them all right but they almost always cover half or less the time period you get when purchasing the very same product item up in the 1st World.

- What about products (or a car) you’ve brought to LA and still under US or European warranty? Are you covered? Probably not, but there is a special Expat maneuver you can try….   

- Tips on finding which retailers and stores give the best/worst warranties and/or general repair service on appliances, cars, etc.   

- The somewhat delicate and special case of having your computer maintenanced and repaired, and how to stop those ‘format’ crazy Latin computer geeks from wiping your hard disc every time you have a glitch.

- Extended warranties, they’re never worth it… except ....

The Expat Files - 07/04/11

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- Income and business taxes. What Expats can expect to pay to a corrupt, horribly inefficient, and generally useless tax system that gives you less than nothing back in return (no I’m not taking about the IRS).

- Why extreme underreporting and tax evasion in general, is the Latin national sport (along with soccer… and they call that football?).   

- How average locals and astute Expats go about reducing income and business taxes using legal, quasi-legal, and outright illegal methods.  

- Why smart Expat small business owners don’t put themselves on their own payrolls, or pay themselves by check (say what?).   

- Here’s another excellent reason not to ride the local chicken buses; In the last 5 years, 630 bus drivers were shot to death en route during extortion and robbery attempts. And that’s in Guatemala alone (a country with only 14 million people!).

The Expat Files - 06/29/11

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- When First World “do gooder” donations go bad,… And why that “feel good” effect doesn’t feel so good after a while.

- Autism in Latin America. What’s autism? 99% of Latinos have never heard of it, there’s no statistics on it, Latin governments don’t want to hear about it, and why its way off the radar.

- For our disabled Expat wannabes; could living down here be a good, inexpensive option for you and your hi-tech wheelchair? Could be, and you’ll be surprised at the how and why.     

- Coping with serious medical conditions and disabilities like diabetes and kidney dialysis. What about physical therapy and long term care? Are Latin health care providers up to it?

The Expat Files - 06/27/11

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- What you should do when in the process of getting robbed, and the truth about trafficking in stolen ID documents (yours!).  

- How to secret away a  second(and very secure)set of ID documents, in case yours get lost or stolen.

- Why I don’t recommend living in Brazil (though everyone else who’s NEVER been there does).  

- Personal car and rental car tips; how to keep your vehicle from getting stolen (which is guaranteed to ruin your vacation and cost you dearly, even though you’re insured, or you think you are).  

- Secret places in your car where you can hide your valuables (and when, where and why it’s sometimes recommended you do just that).

The Expat Files - 06/22/11

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- More on hospital, medical costs and health insurance.

- How extreme levels of Christianity (and Christian hypocrisy) fuel the Latin population bomb.

- The unrelenting pressure to have kids (and other facts of life) if you ever end up marrying a Latin.  

- If atheists and agnostics are alive and well down here, they're awful deep in the closet.

- Where area all the ambulance chasers? The state of malpractice and malpractice insurance and why doctors almost never get sued.

- Anonymous S.A. corporations in Latin America and the wonders they can do for low profile Expats.

The Expat Files - 06/20/11

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- The safest, as well as the most dangerous, countries in Latin America.

- The truth about crime in Central America versus South America, and why most parts of South America are so much safer than C.A. and safer, in fact than the USA.   

- When bullets fly in nice residential areas; a personal story.

- Latin America; where road rage is the rule.

- Robbed at gunpoint at Burger King; another personal Latin American Wild West story.

- Expat tips on keeping a low profile.  

The Expat Files - 06/15/11

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- A widespread growing problem; changing and using US paper money.

- Shopping tips on how to beat the dollar vs local currency exchange rate.

- The truth about counterfeit bills (both US dollars and the local currencies).

- Expats and vacationers; you can leave all your $50’s and $100’s back in Cleveland since most banks and retail shops that do take dollars are now accepting only 20 dollar bills (and only when in excellent condition by the way).

- Tips on how Expats can beat the next big leg down in the continuing saga of the worldwide financial crisis, and why you shouldn’t believe all that “economic miracle” hype about Brazil, Argentina and Chile.

The Expat Files - 06/13/11

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- The low low cost of (nearly 1st World) medical care and some typical medical procedure costs.  

- Latin HMO private medical insurance plans- vs - going raw. And why for some Expats, going raw is NOT such a bad gamble.    

- National health care 3rd World style. It’s everywhere down here, nothing to brag about, downright dangerous and positively medieval.  

- Why your pre-existing medical conditions aren’t automatic health insurance disqualifiers.  

- What you don’t know about street food and the venders who sell it (or, how to ruin a nice vacation in one delicious bite).  

- Expat tip for the day; Try to read a Spanish language newspaper (at least slog through the headlines).

- Question: what’s the fastest way for an Expat to get to know the locals?

- Answer: Quit hanging around with other Expats!

The Expat Files - 06/08/11

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- How high gas prices and the financial crisis are affecting wealthy Latins- the shame of it all! They’re actually being reduced to laying off bodyguards (how demeaning)    

- The early warning signs of a great shopping mall and retail crash.   

- Who owns a disproportionate number of retail businesses and sweatshops? You’ll never guess (hint, if you speak a Chinese dialect or Korean, you can write your own ticket down here).

- How to make an honest to goodness 1st World salary working for someone else (but it ain’t easy). A word about those high-paying executive and hi-tech 3rd World jobs listed in the back of the Wall Street Journal and the Financial Times, etc.     

- Poor but fat; a sad Latin American irony. Probably the two worst 1st World exports to LA - obesity and diabetes.

- Why mayonnaise is the national Latin salsa, and margarine the national spread. Very unhealthy, yet they slather them on practically everything (like Americans and their ketchup).

- How and why the Latins switched from healthy natural coconut oil to cheap (and unhealthy) refined palm and corn oil (and now down here everything is infused with it).

The Expat Files - 06/06/11

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- How cell phone companies slyly rip you off on practically every call you make, and nobody cares (or notices).

- Trickle down class action 3rd World lawsuits via 1st World lawyers and how they happen.

- Phone wars; the proliferation of mind-numbing phone ringback songs Expats have to put up with (another bad 1st World habit that took wings down here).

- Who would actually withdraw only $5 (or pesos) from an ATM machine? Why, Latins of course, they do it all the time! 

 - Flex fuel, flex fuel vehicles, and explosive rear-end collisions.