The Expat Files - 02/16/11

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Building and/or Buying a House: PART 4

- Hiring a general contractor, and why you don’t want him to speak English, dress nice or drive a decent car.

- Latin skilled labor, and why you should never judge a man by his sorry looking tool kit.

- The lost art of plastering walls is alive and well and everyone and his brother’s an expert (and its infinitely better than drywall). And why if you do use drywall, you’ll be sorry.

- Why checking written references or letters of recommendation are complete wastes of time.

- Contractors do guarantee their work, but you should never fully believe them, even if its signed in blood.

- Petty theft; when things walk off your construction site, and they will, and what to do about it.

The Expat Files - 02/14/11

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Building and/or Buying a House: PART 3

- Because of phantom building inspectors, you’re on the honor system when it comes to building your house to blueprint specs and to the local codes.    

- How the cost of a building permit is arbitrary (and subject to bribes) and how to avoid getting charged ‘gringo’ prices.

- Hiring an architect. Why good architects are a dime a dozen, unbelievably affordable, and will do practically anything to land an expat’s building contract (a 1st world style project is a huge portfolio booster).   

- How to disperse funds and how to avoid (er.. minimize) pilferage and ripoffs.

- Getting big cash discounts on materials and how Latins skirt the taxman.

The Expat Files - 02/09/11

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Building and/or Buying a House: PART 2

- Home Financing? Is that even a possiblity for an Expat with no real job? You’d be surprised.  

- Title insurance? Fuggedabout it! But there are age-old Latin style unconventional ways to to check on property titles... though a few bribes might be in order ( in fact they're always in order). 

- Workers liability coverage, performance bonds and/or bonded contractor/builder coverage? Fuggedabout that too! They’re not on the menu, not for small projects like single housing units, not yet anyway.

- Why everyone’s naked in Latin America (insurance naked that is), and why practically no one ever bothers to purchase even a simple homeowner’s policy.

The Expat Files - 02/07/11

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Building and/or Buying a House: PART 1

- Has the housing crisis hit down there yet. YES, but how bad is it?

- Building -vs- buying. The two best buy right now; new homes in guarded communities and residential towers (ahem, ... but what about those pesky earthquakes Chile style, when you’re happy as a clam and living in stylon the 29th floor?)       

- How to make sure you get 1st World standards and quality in the 3rd World, and at half the price (or less 

- Location, location, location: in Latin America its definitely true, but its also about the water supply, or lack of it... and why you Don’t want to be hooked to any local municipality cuz you'll be sorry.   

- Property taxes Latin style: though they’re almost laughable, you still get what you pay for.

The Expat Files - 02/02/11

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- Part 3, the conclusion of Love and Romance Latin Style - The EXPAT Advantage: Unlucky in love in the 1st world? In the Latin love lottery you’ll almost always win. Down there the odds are heavily stacked in your favor due to over-the-top and sometimes downright irrational stereotypes Latins have about 1st Worlders (I know its crazy but why complain?) But watch out! South of the boarder jealousy and posessiveness rule, in fact they’re practically on steroids and always on a slow boil ready to go ballistic at any time.     

- Why if you start a business you’ll need TWO lawyers: An honest one and a crooked one, and why if you’re really unlucky, you’ll get them both in one package.

The Expat Files - 01/31/11

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- Part 2 of Love and Romance Latin Style - The EXPAT Advantage: When Expats and Latins find love- culture clash or perfect match? Universal Expat appeal explained and a dozen reasons why Expats both male and female automatically (and somewhat mysteriously) get 3 points added to the standard 10 point scale the second they step off the plane- (and its not about the money, well, not as much as you think!)  

- Chronic Water Shortages, Dental and Hygiene Issues: Latin women make due quite well. But the men? Not quite up to snuff (er, sniff).

The Expat Files - 01/26/11

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- Love, romance, and cheating - Latin Style: Double digit affairs and single digit divorce rates. Why real Latin men cry and cheat, and why wives look the other way (its about about economics, not forgiveness). Chronic wife abuse, deadbead dads, and other macho pasttimes.

- Bodyguards as 3rd World status symbols: You’re a nobody without one, and why every dirty politician and rich businessman has a gaggle of them (and a few for the wife, kids, and mistress).

The Expat Files - 01/24/11

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- Politicians: A licence to steal and why they get away with it thanks the endless govt money pit, courtesy of the 1st world of course. Thus every Latin American’s goal?... to get a govt.  job of course.

- Getting Around In Latin America: Mass transit, a massive failure- bus bombs, extorsion rackets and 101 other reasons not to ride a public bus. Two ways to get a drivers licence-the hard way (take the test), or the easy way(pay off your friendly bureaucrat).

The Expat Files - 01/19/11

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- Cuban Economics 101: How to lay off a million civil servants and paper pushers in 2011 and not have riot (that’s a tall order since its one third of the entre island’s workforce). What’ll happen to them and their families? Will they roam the streets? Will they burn and loot? (what's there to loot?) Not likely, and you’ll see why.  

- The Latin Sense of Humor (aka; the punch line that never came): Its not exactly like our. What about their jokes, TV, theater and entertainment? Does 1st world humor translate and vice versa? In L.A. sexist and racial humor prevail and the bar is set so low that even a donkey can get gig, and they often do! If you want sophisticated, trendy comedy, forget L.A. and stick to Comedy Central.

The Expat Files - 01/17/11

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- Remisas: How illegal aliens send billions home each year to latin America and how companies like Western Union get filthy rich from it. Just who gets these billions in remisas, and how are they spent? You’ll be surprised.

- Poor Latins and the American Dream (a little land and a paid-up mortgage?): And how their version of it is not quite the one you’ve always had. 

- South American illegals prefer Europe to the USA, and why Spain is the gateway, and how the EEC has an even worse illegal immigration problem than the states. Tourist Visa games and why its so much safer and easier (but much more expensive) for South Americans Latins to slip into Europe than to sneak into the USA.

The Expat Files - 01/12/11

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- Bolivia - The natives are restless and its Evo’s fault, but still, its a great place for Expats.

- Venezuela: And their love/hate relationship with Yankees (not the ball club). They hate Gringos and love Detroit heavy metal (not the music). How subsidized gas at 12 cents a gallon permanently distorts an economy. Venezuela for Expats? 2 thumbs down.

- Lynchings: Alive and well in rural Latin America. A grisly spectator sport that you can’t buy tickets to like a cockfight. The good news is that indigenous locals lynch their own and not Expats (not yet anyway).

The Expat Files - 01/10/11

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Is Latin America wired? Yes, and dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century(when a few bribes are thrown in).

I-Phones, X-boxes, Blackberries and hi speed internet- yes they have them, and they work like a charm...(but do leave home without them).

And at least for now, L.A. is not yet saturated with mad, idiot, adolescent pix-snappers and text-messagers on every corner, (except for the children of the idle rich).

- Brazil flex fuel experiment: the real story on ethanol, biodiesil and the massive phantom subsidies down there. How their govt flex fuel publicity program is a triumph, but the program itself? Maybe not. 

The Expat Files - 01/05/11

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- Why chronic racism is alive and well (and actually on steroids) in L.A, and why nobody cares except maybe the Expats. 

- A clever new twist on broad daylight parking lot robberies. A very slick operation, and how I fell for it! (Darn, I wish I would have thought of it).

- Getting away with murder- why only 5% of Latin homicides are ever solved (and how not to let a little thing like that ruin your day).

The Expat Files - 01/03/11

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- Latin govts love rubber checks... and 101 other reasons why Expats should avoid bidding on govt contracts or taking on govt jobs in Latin America (no matter how good they sound).

- BRAZIL economic and crime overview - don’t believe for a second the exaggerated positive govt propaganda (nor the Hollywood "Girl from Ipanima" version either). So what if Brazil has inflation down to 5%?... Big deal. Back in 1994 it was at 1000% and the locals lost everything! But is it safe to put your money there now? Well, a local joke goes...

Q: How can you make one million in Brazil? A: Easy, bring TWO million down.

The Expat Files - 12/29/10

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- For Sale: Killer fireworks that Al Nobel would be proud of. So go ahead and blow your fingers off- since its perfectly legal and there’s no one to sue. 

- Costa Rica: Where you’ll find exotic, neurotic, animals living in shower stalls and worse. (I'm not kidding!)

- Pet Abuse: How Latins torture their pets and are in denial about it (well, they’re in denial about a million other things too, but aren’t we all).

- Latin Zoos: Not a fit place for man nor beast. In other words, chalk it off your to do list.